you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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