you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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