she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
