Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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