you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
