So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
please come you make the beer taste better
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
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After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
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I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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