I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
