She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
