Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Pants are for mortals
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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