Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You've changed since you got that strap on
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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