this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
