Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
