Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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