I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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