He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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