drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
