why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
