This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize