I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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