The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
