this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
