The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
