Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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