Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
