Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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