Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I cut my penus on the lid.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Mom said you looked used
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
