Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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