T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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