and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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