I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
