happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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