I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
