We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
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While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
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I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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