we have officially lost it.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
