Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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