My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
