Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
