glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
