this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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