I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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