you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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