If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
