she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
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