I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
