my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
