I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
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all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
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Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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