Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
