im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
