Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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