At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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