Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
