I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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