and next time when you feel me up, do it right
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
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