I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
