Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
