The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
