If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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