Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
