I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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