You really coming over, don't trick.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
