im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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