You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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