so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
