where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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